Date rape while frowned upon is often excused and as such it’s perpetrators continue to operate in the gray area.
Date rape according to Wikipedia specifically refers to a rape in which there has been some sort of romantic or potentially sexual relationship between the two parties. Date rape is said to be the most common form of rape at about 78%.
Most date rapes are usually committed by people known to the victims. It occurs mostly in situations involving alcohol or even ‘date rape’ drugs.
To date someone means you’re seeing somebody specific with purpose and on a regular basis. It is the process of getting to better know a person and sex may or may not be part of the equation. The parameters for dating can be defined by the people involved based on what they both want and it should be agreed on by both of them. When non-consensual sex occurs either through coercion or by physical force where the two parties did not agree to having sex, that’s where it is said date rape occurred. Any man or woman who takes advantage of a partner who is under the influence can be said to have committed date rape.
Date rape, therefore, is also a form of acquaintance rape. This is rape in which the victim and the perpetrator have been in a non-romantic, non-sexual relationship such as neighbors, co-workers and friends. Date rapes are usually considered less serious when compared to rape perpetuated by strangers because most victims and perpetrators usually have a prior relationship especially in those cases where they may have had a sexual relationship. The fact, however, remains that rape has occurred and the effect of it will still be felt by the victim. It may even be escalated as this was a once trusted person as opposed to a complete stranger.
In Nigeria, victims of this type of rape especially women are often asked, ‘Why did you go there?’ ‘Aren’t you guys almost dating?’ It is automatically assumed because she decided to visit a friend or even boyfriend in a private setting that she gave her consent to sex. This is not the case and such approach to the subject should be avoided. This only serves to show future perpetrators that it is okay and they would get away with it.
Some years ago a popular South African blogger told her story of how her male friend raped her. She had gone home with the guy in question to wait for another friend. He was someone she had known for years so she saw no harm in asking if she could shower in his bathroom while she waited as it was a particularly hot day. The events that ensued after that left her bruised and battered. Many argued that she shouldn’t have gotten naked in his place and while that may be true, she still didn’t consent to sex.
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To protect oneself from date rape, there are a few things to do to reduce the risk. When you first start dating someone you don’t know well, plan your meeting in public places. Keep this up till you have gotten to know the person well enough.
When out drinking with male friends or dates, be sure to watch your drink so as to be sure nothing is slipped inside. Make sure all drinks are opened where you can see it. Do not drink more than you can handle as being drunk can work against your abilities to fend off an attack or reject a proposal.
It is always advisable to clearly state to your date what your limits are before you get into a situation you can’t control.
Be sure to arrange your own transportation if you are not sure of your partner as victims have been driven to secluded places where they are raped and dropped off.
Always trust your instincts. If something feels off, get out of the situation. If you feel your drink has been tampered with, don’t drink it. Go with your gut always, it’s better safe than sorry. If a co-worker or neighbor feels off, follow your instincts and try not to be in situations where you can be taken advantage of.
Date rape is a scourge that we need to rid our society of. Men should be groomed right from boyhood not to feel entitled and to always ask for consent and not assume that the green light is always on.
